no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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