I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
