just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
