I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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