Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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