1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
