So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry about my life...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
