lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
