I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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