I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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