One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
