KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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