did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
