I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
why is half of my head shaved?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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