Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All the doctor said was why
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
