you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
