It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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