you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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