quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
