One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
