I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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