areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
