yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
