Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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