he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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