Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize