This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
