I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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