i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize