He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
