i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
