We won't sleep together?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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