Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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