i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
