Duck Duck Cougar?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
