Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
