There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
