Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
