sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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