My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
