We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
