I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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