ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
