He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
