ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize