There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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