Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
