you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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