If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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