But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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