You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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