This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
