Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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