This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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