Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
