Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
