Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
