I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why do cheetos always look like penises
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
