jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
