she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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