Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize