I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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