you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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