Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
