Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
