I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
handjob tips. give me some.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
