I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
