apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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