she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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